


That Bohemian Business

by Brett Sigerson (Byrdie)



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Case Fic, Gen, M/M, Other, Potions, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 19:41:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrdie/pseuds/Brett%20Sigerson
Summary: Sherlock is off on a clue hunt -- or is it a wild goose chase? Meanwhile, John has a visitor, one with a different sort of game on her mind.





	That Bohemian Business

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time I made some art. Then I wrote a story to go with it. This is that story, only slightly revised. I hope you enjoy it ... or at least don't think it's only good to wrap your fish & chips in. 
> 
> Praise be to Sir Arthur, who gave us the Canon. Yes, he's probably spinning in his grave right now but honestly, it's his own fault. "Marry him, kill him, or do what you like with him!" when it comes to Sherlock Holmes. What else could I do but take him at his word? Especially that "do what you like" bit. ;-)

**That Bohemian Business**

_An Excerpt From the Esoteric Journal of Dr John H. Watson:_

It was a scandal of epic proportions. One that involved intimate letters, a stolen portrait, felonious assault with a restricted substance, the Crown Prince of the Crimson Court of Bohemia and an American actress whose cinematic exploits were tame compared to her off-screen adventures.

I can honestly claim three continents' worth of experience with women who desired my attention, but none were as persistent as The Divine Miss A. "Renee to my friends. You'll be my friend, won't you? My very ... _close_ ... friend."

She somehow decided my not slamming the door was an enthusiastic "Yes." It wasn't. I didn't want to disturb Mrs Hudson. Our dear, sweet landlady was still feeling put out about the wall incident. That was two years ago. I have since found better ways to keep a bored Consulting Mage-slash-Detective happily entertained.

"Already got one. Sorry to disappoint," I said, and went back to preparing my tea. Frowned at the fresh ears in the fridge. _Somebody_   forgot to buy milk again. "You might try downstairs. The kitsune in 221C keeps telling everyone she's your biggest fan."

A peal of laughter, a rustle of silk. A breathy moan close behind me. Too close.  "Not interested, lady. What part of "already taken" do you not understand?"

Heat and pressure from a dainty bejeweled hand – right where it had no business being!

I whirled to confront her. My jaw dropped and so did the mug of tea as she leapt upon me, grinding her hips into mine. Her nude body glistened, fair skin drenched with attar of roses. Cloves, myrrh and bitter almonds on her breath.

Lust potion. I avoided the toxic kiss while attempting to dislodge her. She clung fast with almost preternatural strength. Blue eyes flashed scarlet lightning. Power surged, arcing between us as she chanted. The words were unfamiliar but there was no mistaking her intent: with or without my will, she would have me.

Not bloody likely!

With a swift subclavian nerve pinch, I rendered her unconscious. Then I threw a blanket over her and called Inspector Lestrade to come get her.  Preferably before my spouse returned from wherever he'd buggered off to in search of that thrice-damned photograph and committed homicide on my behalf.

#

She hadn't actually poisoned me with her noxious brew so the more serious charges were dropped. That left possession of an unlicensed elixir and indecent assault while under the influence. Her lawyers claimed accident and argued for dismissal. Judge Winter was not impressed.

In the end she pled guilty. It earned her a heavy fine, a deportation order and public disgrace. All of the documents she'd called her protections were recovered and returned to their rightful owners. An emissary from the Crimson Court delivered a message of gratitude along with a generous fee from our illustrious client. Shortly thereafter, the marriage of Prince Vladimir to Princess Elizabeth took place at Westminster with all the pomp and pageantry one might expect. My partner declined yet another offer of knighthood and life at 221B settled back into its familiar routine. For the most part.

Although they hold no romantic interest for him, Sherlock Holmes is considerate towards women. He is always polite in his dealings with them, respectful even of female serial killers. No doubt this is due to his upbringing in a most ancient and noble House. Of the woman Hollywood has christened "The Divine Miss A" -- Irene Adler on her birth certificate -- he seldom speaks. But whenever he does refer to her, it is always under the title of That (expletive deleted) Witch.

*******

_fini_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The art I mentioned will also be posted here as soon as I can figure that bit out. Fair warning: it is Alternate Universe and so does not depict any film, book or telly version of the characters. Nor is it entirely work safe.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [That Bohemian Business: Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707067) by [Brett Sigerson (Byrdie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrdie/pseuds/Brett%20Sigerson)




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